I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
