Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
