Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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