ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
