the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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