If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
