felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
