I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
