now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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