My hand turned me down
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
me + whiskey = a bad person
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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