I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
