I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize