I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
