We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
