I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
