My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
