I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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