i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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