I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
