Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
