Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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