I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
