she was so not down for the gang bang
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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