you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
