When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
