who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
