Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
