He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
