Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
