between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
