I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
