You're completely useless in the revolution.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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