This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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