is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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