If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
