I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
