Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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