broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
