they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
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