Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
