she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
