do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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