Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
