There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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