eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
