Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
i now understand why vodka
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
