too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
