I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
