Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
