P.S. I can't hear my feet
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
