Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
