my mouth tastes like poor choices
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
