i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
