PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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