It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
