yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
