I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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