He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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